I attended a camp last december and was stuck in the midst of a broken relationship. As disappointed and broken I felt, never did I think that it was the start of new opportunities in my love life... O well, a little corny here..bt yea...the best way to describe it.
Two letters -SP has not only become another camp game, or a letter writing exercise but has sunk deeply into my heart. This also brought me through spectrum of events and feelings which made me feel she is so ever special. Lately, things started to get clear, feelings, emotions, words, all started to flow out in a conversation one night. I was dumbfounded, for once, I ran out of words and gave a corny excuse to delay my reply, I think I was just trying to escape to allow me to think through and to make a wise choice.
I am glad that I actually had that time off to think about it, for it made me iron out many things, surprisingly, she felt the same way too. This is really chemistry man.
To her, I have almost run out of words to describe this experience, its MORE THAN WORDS. The best words I can use are heavenly, awesome...but still lacks that X-factor. Thanks for being so frank and honest with me, it not only spoke about your sincerity in the friendship but also a desire in having a serious relationship. I hope my response put you at ease, and I assure you my commitment in working things out together.
All in all, thanks for making presence in my life. I thank God and pray that he blesses with with love, peace, joy and many many fruits so that you might be happy, contented, spirit-filled in the many days to come.
Love you alot alot!!!
Sunday 14 January 2007
Wednesday 6 December 2006
Hope
We just celebrated the first sunday of advent, themed hope.
Has it every striked us why the church repeats the liturgy every year, is hope really essential in life? If so, how does it affect our lives? How do we materialise these hopes or help others materialise their hopes?
My reflection brought me to certain conclusions which I would like to share with those who read the blog.
Hope is really essential in one's life. In fact, it is the essence of life. Hope drives us on, hope gives us motivation in life and a direction to work towards. This would in turn give us passion to materialise these hopes. Hope gives one consolation, just imagine the lives of the marginalised and those who constantly live a life of adversity, without hope, they would have ended their lives long ago. Many of them live to wait for people to lend them a helping hand. This already shows that hope drives the lives of many. In addition, look at people who live hopeless lives, are they genuinely happy? Do they know where are they heading in life? NO!
A life with hope is colourful, its one that is vibrant...In the Christian sense, what are we hoping for...In this time of advent, we are called not so much to materialise our own hopes, but help others materialise their hopes. Some just wish to be happy, some wish to get some attention, some wish for someone to say something pleasant to them? How are we, in our own way answering this call?
Look at the people around us, are we doing anything about it? Or are we turning a deaf ear, or worse still, jeopardising the lives of others...On a global level, what brings hope? I guess it is PEACE, kinda self explanatory, only peace would bring hope to the lives of others.
Let us at least pray for peace in the world and offer a helping hand to others to the people in our lives and be hope bringers to them, as that would make a big difference in their lives.
AMEN!
Make me a channel of your peace!
Sunday 3 December 2006
The Great Awakening
I just concluded a youth camp at St. Theresa's Convent.
with a restless spirit, I dragged my feet unto the camp, belittling its outcome. But I guess the Spirit has his strange ways of working, not only did I provide input to others but also got rejuvinated and healed myself.
Refering to my previous posts, it is evident that I am facing some trouble in relationships, but it was gradually being healed. First by recon, then being ministered and then more signs during quiet time. Often when signs come, it directs you to a path that you are very comfortable with, at least for me. But this time, the sign was to be JOSEPH, forget about status, pride and ego and stand by Mary all the way. This means that all these must be dissolved if I want the hurts to break away. Concretely, its best to share it with the person herself and work things out from there. It takes abit to do it cuz its really stripping yourself and showing the other person your truest feelings when you are angry with her, requires much humility.
Much have been heard about life changing experiences, how someone rose from the dead and the coversion story of an ex-convict. I guess these stories are goof food for thoughts for us. Somehow puts forth a benchmark for us. I am so ashamed myself, having been involved in so many activities, I cant compare myself to an exconvict that finished the entire bible and has such a story to tell. Clement, I salute you man! This is a testimony of God'stransforming grace.
Two take home points.
1. We are like lazaras, to what degree are we going to unbind ourselves.
2. If two people are in a room, and one person dies to self, politics cannot exist.
During healing, it was really a test of faith. As I was ministering, I saw visions and was skeptical about it, thought of not sharing it but it was just unfair to the person. Well, so I asked for a sign, that this vision sustained for a while or would be repeately shown. I got it, so I shared it with them, well, hope it would be a nourishment to their spiritual growth. What touched me during healing was also the humility of a priest, being a pastor chosen by Godm he did not think that he was more powerful than us but came to ask for ministering as well. Shocked that I was, I am filled with respect for his humility.
The other thing that made me feel good was meeting new people and knowing people to a greater level. My SP...haha..blur blur blur!!! but well, glad to know tt it was you, I think we were the best pair la! hee...keep in touch k...and to that group of funky games ppl hu entertained me with a nite of cold jokes, I think tt contributed very much to this pleasant experience. Thanks guys!
I see the passion in the youth leaders of this parish and I think this would bring us far, I see how talented all of us are and how we contributed to the success of stuff, tho things were hastiliy done and loose ends were tied at the very last minute, people stayed up late to settle stuf. But I guess what drove all of us was this inner strength, which I believe was the anionting of the holy spirit.
In a nutshell, I think it was a wake up call to draw our something concrete for my faith journey and not to be stagnant for too long a time. It was indeed a time of healing, friendship, anionting, empowering and joy.
I thank God for this experience and hope for many more to come.
ARISE CAMP 3!
Lord, I know not how to express my love for you.
It's just this strong experience
that is life-changing once I experience it.
I thank you for this love you have shown me
Now, teach me how to love you, teach me how to serve you
Unworthy am I, I am made worthy by your blood.
Jesus, the provider and the prince of peace.
Help me in my journey, be my stronghold and my guide
Walk with me, stay with me, help me always be rooted in your love.
Take me deeper, deeper in love with you
Always hold me close to your embrace.
AMEN!
with a restless spirit, I dragged my feet unto the camp, belittling its outcome. But I guess the Spirit has his strange ways of working, not only did I provide input to others but also got rejuvinated and healed myself.
Refering to my previous posts, it is evident that I am facing some trouble in relationships, but it was gradually being healed. First by recon, then being ministered and then more signs during quiet time. Often when signs come, it directs you to a path that you are very comfortable with, at least for me. But this time, the sign was to be JOSEPH, forget about status, pride and ego and stand by Mary all the way. This means that all these must be dissolved if I want the hurts to break away. Concretely, its best to share it with the person herself and work things out from there. It takes abit to do it cuz its really stripping yourself and showing the other person your truest feelings when you are angry with her, requires much humility.
Much have been heard about life changing experiences, how someone rose from the dead and the coversion story of an ex-convict. I guess these stories are goof food for thoughts for us. Somehow puts forth a benchmark for us. I am so ashamed myself, having been involved in so many activities, I cant compare myself to an exconvict that finished the entire bible and has such a story to tell. Clement, I salute you man! This is a testimony of God'stransforming grace.
Two take home points.
1. We are like lazaras, to what degree are we going to unbind ourselves.
2. If two people are in a room, and one person dies to self, politics cannot exist.
During healing, it was really a test of faith. As I was ministering, I saw visions and was skeptical about it, thought of not sharing it but it was just unfair to the person. Well, so I asked for a sign, that this vision sustained for a while or would be repeately shown. I got it, so I shared it with them, well, hope it would be a nourishment to their spiritual growth. What touched me during healing was also the humility of a priest, being a pastor chosen by Godm he did not think that he was more powerful than us but came to ask for ministering as well. Shocked that I was, I am filled with respect for his humility.
The other thing that made me feel good was meeting new people and knowing people to a greater level. My SP...haha..blur blur blur!!! but well, glad to know tt it was you, I think we were the best pair la! hee...keep in touch k...and to that group of funky games ppl hu entertained me with a nite of cold jokes, I think tt contributed very much to this pleasant experience. Thanks guys!
I see the passion in the youth leaders of this parish and I think this would bring us far, I see how talented all of us are and how we contributed to the success of stuff, tho things were hastiliy done and loose ends were tied at the very last minute, people stayed up late to settle stuf. But I guess what drove all of us was this inner strength, which I believe was the anionting of the holy spirit.
In a nutshell, I think it was a wake up call to draw our something concrete for my faith journey and not to be stagnant for too long a time. It was indeed a time of healing, friendship, anionting, empowering and joy.
I thank God for this experience and hope for many more to come.
ARISE CAMP 3!
Lord, I know not how to express my love for you.
It's just this strong experience
that is life-changing once I experience it.
I thank you for this love you have shown me
Now, teach me how to love you, teach me how to serve you
Unworthy am I, I am made worthy by your blood.
Jesus, the provider and the prince of peace.
Help me in my journey, be my stronghold and my guide
Walk with me, stay with me, help me always be rooted in your love.
Take me deeper, deeper in love with you
Always hold me close to your embrace.
AMEN!
Tuesday 28 November 2006
Breaking free
I was awakened by a message that left me dumbfounded for a while. But that message led me to reflect on the whole situation, just as I thought I knew what I was doing, in reality, I am very much confused.
I searched to the bottom of my heart, where did all the resentment come from, and why am I getting so worked up over everything. Well, issues suddenly turned really trivial, come to think of it, I am clueless why I reacted this way. Maybe its because I took the whole thing to seriously or perhaps just a conflict of interests and expectations, differences in definition.
Soon after, I shared it with my few closest brothers and went for intercessory. Something was just telling me to break free from this bondage of self pity, resentment and see things from another light. Though it might not be favourable on my side. But well, that's the only way I can go now. Continue this and I would land myself to an even more miserable state, break free and I would be a much happier person.
Today, I manage to encounter a community that I can rely on, a community that I can safely call my second family. Thanks guys for everything...would still have to rely on you guys in the years to come.
Encountering the situation once again, I would have to move on despite the state of awkwardness and discomfort, I would have to still be that spiritual brother that radiate the love of Christ and not that helpless romantic that would jeopardise the entire situation and paralyse both of us, resulting in an end of this wonderful journey God has put forth for us.
Getting all these straight allowed me to discover one thing. We often resent, but when we finally cool down and think, these issues are often really trivial. The possible reasons for us to feel this way are-- ego or perhaps this person is really too important to us and that one action would mess our entire lives up.
Break free and in return, get a peace of mind...
Monday 27 November 2006
Relationships & crystals
Relationships can be comparable to crystal ornaments.
Crystal ornaments are first of all unique, you can never really find crystals that are exactly the same. They are so pretty, looking at it just brings you pleasure. They are so precious, you would want to look at it almost every moment in your lives. But once you unintentionally break it, it will never be the same again. Some might argue that we can glue them back together, but it would still be different as its original state.
Some would take the chance to embrace this brokeness and see the beauty in this broken crystal, appreciating the beauty of its new state. Often, we keep it in our drawers and bid it goodbye.
Won't it be a pity? What happened to all the love and appreciation you showered this crystal with when it was still pretty and your eye candy? What happened to all the pleasure it provided you when it was pretty? What happened to its value in your lives? Would it just be thrown away?
We should appreciate every relationship. It is a journey that is unique to itself, it gives experience that would not be experienced elsewhere. In the end when things turn sour, we should accept adversities and grow from it, seeing adversities as beauty as well. In that way, conflicts and what not would be seen as elements to help one's relationship grow instead of the factor that breaks it all up into small fragments.
The crystal can provide much pleasure to the eye, but dust would soon bury its beauty. It is also the job of the owner to maintain it so as to enjoy its beauty. This brings the elements of mutual ownership and invovlement. It is a shared relationship, not a one-sided one.
Some crystals are imperfect to some, but perfect to the other. Perfection is in the eyes of the beholder, one should never be under the influence of others, but trust in his/her own taste and pick on that is perfect to oneself and one that he/she would commit to maintaining and accepting till the end of time.
Take time to search, decide then commit...
Sunday 26 November 2006
That's what friends are for- Dionne Warwick
For full lyrics
http://www.geocities.com/hbkduke/Friends_4_DW.html
And I never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you
And if I should ever go away
Well, then close your eyes and try to feel
The way we do today
And then if you can remember
Keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for
Well, you came and opened me
And now there's so much more I see
And so by the way I thank you
Whoa, and then for the times when we're apart
Well, then close your eyes and know
These words are comin' from my heart
And then if you can remember, oh
http://www.geocities.com/hbkduke/Friends_4_DW.html
And I never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you
And if I should ever go away
Well, then close your eyes and try to feel
The way we do today
And then if you can remember
Keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for
Well, you came and opened me
And now there's so much more I see
And so by the way I thank you
Whoa, and then for the times when we're apart
Well, then close your eyes and know
These words are comin' from my heart
And then if you can remember, oh
The Solemnity of Christ the King
Today marks the end of the liturgical year. It has been a day of feelings for me I guess, ups and downs, fun and also deep thoughts.
It all started with welcoming my cute little godson, Kieran into the church. Its now my responsibility to bring him up as a faithful and good catholic. The journey has just started. I hope my family members would be around to help me with it, I turst that they will!
Well, I spoke with Gerald abit then went for a meeting. Rushed off for housewarming after that.
It was kinda awkward during that event, things were unnatural and abnormal. I shall not go on elaborating and whining about it. I seem to put the blame on someone else and see myself at a losing end, somehow engaging in self pity. That brought my mood really down and bad memories started to flashback and brought into my heart resentment, hurt and discontent.
I guess it was God's call for me to dissolve all these evil feelings when I was asked to accompany someone for mass.
In the homily, Fr. Brian spoke about how Jesus differed from any other kings. He had no control, nor army nor riches but he managed to inspire the hearts of many. He in his most helpless state manifested power of righteousness, love, peserverance and sacrifise. He then spoke about true love is one that one party is willing to give up one's self for the other. This really brought me to think if the love that I proclaim to have was genuine, since all that is in me is resentment and hurt.
Look a walk along clarque quay and got things sorted out. I guess there are some elements of that in this special friendship but it's always been one way, am I wrong to be tired and draw away from it subtly? Of course, some may aruge that it's about peserverance, but, things are not going anywhere...does this friendship worth so much value? I doubt...
I am not really pitying myself but I think too many wrong signals have been shown that has resulted in some misunderstandings. I am guilty of it sometimes too...but I think we shouldn't lead people on with misleading words or actions, as it causes emotional hurt which would affect ones life.
Well, I would be in the wrong if I confront the situation and just break this friendship as both parties would get hurt.
It all started with welcoming my cute little godson, Kieran into the church. Its now my responsibility to bring him up as a faithful and good catholic. The journey has just started. I hope my family members would be around to help me with it, I turst that they will!
Well, I spoke with Gerald abit then went for a meeting. Rushed off for housewarming after that.
It was kinda awkward during that event, things were unnatural and abnormal. I shall not go on elaborating and whining about it. I seem to put the blame on someone else and see myself at a losing end, somehow engaging in self pity. That brought my mood really down and bad memories started to flashback and brought into my heart resentment, hurt and discontent.
I guess it was God's call for me to dissolve all these evil feelings when I was asked to accompany someone for mass.
In the homily, Fr. Brian spoke about how Jesus differed from any other kings. He had no control, nor army nor riches but he managed to inspire the hearts of many. He in his most helpless state manifested power of righteousness, love, peserverance and sacrifise. He then spoke about true love is one that one party is willing to give up one's self for the other. This really brought me to think if the love that I proclaim to have was genuine, since all that is in me is resentment and hurt.
Look a walk along clarque quay and got things sorted out. I guess there are some elements of that in this special friendship but it's always been one way, am I wrong to be tired and draw away from it subtly? Of course, some may aruge that it's about peserverance, but, things are not going anywhere...does this friendship worth so much value? I doubt...
I am not really pitying myself but I think too many wrong signals have been shown that has resulted in some misunderstandings. I am guilty of it sometimes too...but I think we shouldn't lead people on with misleading words or actions, as it causes emotional hurt which would affect ones life.
Well, I would be in the wrong if I confront the situation and just break this friendship as both parties would get hurt.
A successful relationship requires:
1) Mutual ownership
2) A conviction in both's hearts
3) Commitment
4) Growth
5) Sensitivity
Which of these elements are present now?
Thanks for the happy times, the bad times, everything...
DIRECTION???
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